74. Offense & Forgiveness

In this episode, we talk about living from forgiveness and not harboring offense as a lifestyle.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Hi, welcome back to uh another episode of the Everyday Kingdom podcast. And I hope that you're doing well today. And we're here again. I'm Raphael. This is Miriam. And this is Caleb. Hello. And today we're talking about forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Forgiveness. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

So good. I love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

I know, right?

SPEAKER_02 0:55

Forgiveness. That's how it sounds. Yeah, so yeah, let's talk about forgiveness today. Let's talk about uh talk through uh living unoffended. I think that would be a really cool subject to talk about. Miriam has a lot to say about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

I have some I have a Miriam of thoughts on this on this subject. Um we were just kind of bouncing around ideas and trying to figure out what to talk about today. And we were talking, I was thinking about living unoffended and about how when you refuse to forgive, you're basically just agreeing to live offended all the time. I'm just gonna let everything that anybody does that bothers me just always bother me.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

And why would we choose to do that? But often we do.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

You know, um, actually I taught a sermon, it's been several years now, probably four or five years ago now, and uh I titled the sermon Catch and Release. And uh it was along the lines of fishing, and you know how there's a there's a a type of fishing called catch and release where you go and you catch fish, um, but then you don't keep it for yourself, you actually release it. And I felt like Father said, This is the type uh of of fishing that I want you to do. I'm gonna teach you to become a fisher of men. I'm gonna make you to become a fisher of men. And this is one of the ways in which uh or the the technique in which uh I would like for you to live, which is uh this it's is to catch Father's heart and release people. Meaning, I want you to have my heart when it comes to how I see uh and how I interact and how I love people, and I want you to be able to release them in your life. Now, today, like that's got so many meeting meanings for me, but in that time that he was sharing with that with me, it was in the context of forgiveness. Uh, but it was I want you to be able to release people uh because uh and and not uh take, catch them and keep them, right? Uh in that sense. Um because when you release the thing about forgiveness is forgiveness is uh when you release others, it actually ends up setting you free.

SPEAKER_05 2:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

You know, and so many people walk through life in bitterness and anger and frustration, and they're holding on to all of the hurts and the things that others have done to them uh when our life in Christ is actually uh the freedom that He has paid for and and died for uh was so that we could walk freely, not carrying all the bitterness and the hurt and all that stuff. And so uh maybe we could talk about that today and because I think that's exactly like living unoffended.

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Yeah, well I and I always come back to this picture of living open-handed like that because we think if we hold things close, we can control them better.

unknown 3:32

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

And if I if I hold that offense close, then I can control how I respond to it. Right. Almost like I'm cultivating that offense, like I'm trying to make it grow. It's the weirdest, it's not the weirdest thing, but that's almost how we how we live. You know, like if I hold it right here, you know, and so but instead of just releasing it, and we can't live light if we're holding on to things like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Oh, no. Well, and the other, I think the other side of it too is a lot of times what ends up happening is your offense or the things that happen to you become your identity.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

You know, like we talked about it a little bit in the marriage series when we're talking about divorce, right? And how then you know someone walks through a divorce and then all of a sudden it be that becomes their identity, you know. I'm I'm I'm divorced.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Right. And and it's like this uh this this name that they take on for themselves, uh, that they then label themselves by, you know, and and and it becomes this whole thing. Think about like if you walk through something traumatic in your life, right? It's something that's significant. I'm not trying to like downplay the significance in your life uh or the effect that maybe it had. But what I'm saying is that we don't have to allow those types of things to be what identifies us. Right. Right. We can we can we can give them the the the proper um respect, I guess for lack of a better term, respect for what they are, what what happened. I'm not denying what happened, uh, but I'm also not gonna allow it to have a larger voice in my life than the voice of my father.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Right. You don't have to put on the same glasses in the same outlook every single day for every single um thing that looks like that thing that brought offense or brought a hurt and that you had to release. Yeah. You know, like so many times we're wearing tinted, you know, glasses, like we read our Bibles like that sometimes, and it's it's literally a a mindset that has to be transformed. Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 5:37

And that and that's it because it everything like what you're talking about, Raphael, is that is so critical with just how we live because everything that we walk through in life, everything that we encounter in life becomes our experience of life, right? Like, you know, I I walked in today and Miriam was really nice to me, and so it it gave me a good experience. Um, and and then but yesterday when I walked in, you know, Sharon Faye was really mean to me. Now, Sharon Faye is never really mean to me. This is just I'm just using them as examples, right? But say Sharon Faye was really rude and mean to me, and then it shaped my experience for that day. Now, all of a sudden, everything that I'm encountering for that day gets colored by that lens of what I experienced earlier in the day, right? And so it it becomes this everything that we are going through becomes our experience. And if we're not careful, then we will allow that to be the lens with which we see the world and how we interact with the world.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

And so it's not only like a lens when you begin to see like that, because you also begin to hear like that, speak like that, and feel like that. Yeah, the whole atmosphere around you. And you're feeling an atmosphere that is not real many times. Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 6:49

Yes. Uh you're you're 100% right. You know, there's there's uh there is hypervigilance that comes with trauma. And so if things that happen to you that are traumatic, then it shifts how you see things, you become hyper-vigilant, you begin to take things on in your own heart emotionally that may not actually be there, but you're reading into it so much because of what you'd experienced in the past. Right. And and so uh it's what we get to realize is is scripture is actually true. It says things in Proverbs, it says that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. Meaning that the the perspective that we're carrying or what we're thinking about is what has the ability to affect and to shape how we live our lives. The nice thing about that is that can change very simply. It doesn't have to be, you know, it doesn't have to be what happens to me is just how I am. Like it doesn't have to be, you know, the experiences that I have become the ultimate say-so of my life. There's actually a higher voice and a higher authority that we can, if we choose to listen and abide by, can shape our perspective. And then we begin to think on that and it changes how we live.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

It changes our identity. I mean, and that's what it is. And if we're looking at anything else, if we're if our experiences define our identity, it's a false identity.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I was gonna say, I would, I would, I would, I would use the the terminology, our identity is actually the same, but what we would assume as our identity. Yeah. Because that and that's all we're we would try to put it on.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

Exactly. Like you said, it would be a false identity.

SPEAKER_02 8:14

Yes, yeah, it would be our our agreement with or our belief in a false identity, which is subpar, substandard and contrary to what exactly, exactly. And that's if we allow the things that we walk through and experience, the things where people have hurt us, you know, the the things that would cause bitterness in our life, you know, the the whether it's I mean, as small or as simple as someone lying to us, to someone betraying us, to someone molesting us, to someone uh harming our family, like no matter where it is on the scale or on the on the on the on the pendulum there, like we can allow those events and those types of things to happen in our life and then shift and change how we perceive ourselves and others. And and if we're not careful, our experiences will then dictate our lives.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

When we're actually called to live by the words of our Father and the words of the Word Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 9:12

And it comes back to that not releasing it.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Yeah. Rafael, you look like you got something you want to say.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

I do I do. Um so one way that we can stay firm in one place, if you want to say the rock, or you know, like without going to shifting sands, is really have this mindset consistently. So even if you were portrayed, hey, like I'm going to be a son of God in in this moment, or if it's going a good day, like a good way, I'm going to be a son of God today. Like if you have the same mind in you that Christ had that is and and will be, then you will not be moved from day to day. Every day will will be good. Every every day will be joyful, even if it's maybe not the your your mom passes away, or dad, or or or son, or whoever, because you your mind is in one place, and it's not this dramatic change every single day. And so whatever may come, my hope is stayed in the Lord. My hope is the Lord. Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

And will be the Lord. It's anchored in Him.

SPEAKER_05 10:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

And that's and that's the thing. I and I think that's where for most of us we get to get to that place is learning, you know, where is my hope? Where is my identity? Where is my life? Like who who am I? Right? Because when you're anchored in that in that place of identity, then the stuff that happens to you doesn't rock you. You know, it's not shaking you like uh like it would someone who doesn't know who they are. Because see, the thing is, if you don't know who you are, then what you're gonna do is you're gonna try to figure out who you are. Right. Right. And you're gonna listen to the voice of everyone around you telling you, oh, you're this, oh, you're this, oh, you're not this, or you're this. And and so you allow other voices to then dictate and shape who you are. And you begin to believe those things. But for those who actually know who they are in Christ, who know that their life is hidden in Christ, who know that they are beloved by him, who know that they are are solidly, firmly his, and that there's nothing that could ever take us away from him, you know, or snatch us from his hand, as the scriptures say, like that we are and we know that we're made in his image and in his likeness. Now all of a sudden I'm getting a better understanding of who I actually truly am. And it doesn't matter what's going on around me, whether the waves are high, you know, whether the the storms of life come, like I'm not shaken by that because I solidly know who I am. My life is solid on the rock. Not only is it on the rock, it's hidden in the rock. Like think about think about how secure that is. You know, like my life is hidden in Christ Jesus. I'm seated in heavenly places with him. Like these are the things that the scriptures tell us that it's like this kind of language is so incredibly solid and firm that it there's it leaves no question. You know, and so and so many people will walk through life with questioning who they are. Yeah, and and by doing so, then what happens is when you interact with people and they do things that are negative towards you and cause you know hurt and pain and all that stuff, it leaves the open door and the opportunity to be offended. You know, and and and listen, here's here, I want you to hear this. There's a difference between being hurt and being offended.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

Right.

unknown 12:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

I I can I can be hurt and not be offended. Right. Do you do you hear what I'm saying there? Because listen, just because someone hurt you does not automatically mean you have to be offended. Offense is a posture of the heart. Hurt happens, you know. If I if I if I went and I I I you know hit my hand on something, that's gonna hurt, right? That there's it's gonna bring pain to my life. That's what hurting is. It's gonna bring pain into my life. But offense is then the attitude of me being angry at the thing that caused the pain. Say I uh I hit it on the desk, right? Offense would be me then going and holding a grudge against the desk or wanting to get back at the desk. I can't believe that desk. Yeah, who put that desk there? Like the audacity of that desk to exist. The desk did bring pain because you know I happened to run into it, but I don't have to be offended at the desk. I can release it and be like, oh man, that hurt. You know what I mean? You know, and so in the same way with people, I can I can I can be hurt by people, but I can choose, I can't choose whether or not I'm hurt. People will do things that are that can hurt you, right? But what I can choose is to not be offended. Why? Because I'm anchored in love. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Miriam, if one of your children said, Hey, you're not my mommy anymore, or uh, I don't like you today, how how how do you respond to that?

SPEAKER_03 13:47

Probably more flippantly than I should. Okay. Here are your bills.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

But why do you think that? But why can't why can you think that?

SPEAKER_03 13:56

Because they're still my kid. Right. I know that they are. Like no matter what they say to me, I'm still their mom and they're still my child. So that's never gonna change.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

So there's the maturity there, right? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

And I know that they're just speaking out of hurt or or um offense at something mommy said that they didn't like, you know, that they'll end up having to deal with anyway, you know. So I I I wouldn't be shaken by that comment.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Right, right, right. Because when you know the the nature of something, its behavior doesn't surprise you.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

When you know the nature of a kid is to be like that, then when they act like that, it's not a surprise. Like you're not surprised by that. If you know the nature of someone who is walking outside of Christ is to be self-centered, to be looking for after themselves, to be self-seeking, then that nature shouldn't surprise you when that is what happens. And and so it it doesn't take us off guard just any more than us, you know, living our lives and and falling short in some kind of way takes God off guard. You think that's a surprise to him? Like, I mean, really, do you do you think that your poor choices are ever a surprise to God? No. And so he can that's why that's one of the reasons and way how he can respond the way that he responds, faithfully and unmoved by your stupidity. I mean, because you're like that kid saying, like, you know, mom, you're not my mom anymore. It's like, okay, you know, you you can say that all you want, but I know what actual truth and reality is because I happen to be it.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

So my boy the other day, he he's just like, You're not my daddy anymore. And I'm just like, son, I'm always gonna be your daddy, no matter if you say that I am or not. Yeah. I said, but yeah, you're in trouble right now. And uh, well, I don't want to be, I don't want to be grounded, I don't want well, you you're not listening right now, so this is the consequences, and it's in those moments, like, are you going to buckle to a child and not lead them in discipline in a correct manner?

SPEAKER_05 16:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Or are you going to be like when they smile at you and they want to give you a hug to try to get out of something like, no, this is not how we do things. Like, are you gonna stick to to one standard? And so many times we we have this with you know, not calling other people necessarily children, but they have childish actions that you do not buckle to. You love them with a great love. And it doesn't matter if they're acting this childish or they're trying to do this now to be like, oh yeah, we're good, you know, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, you know, like no, no, like you're in a you're you're a mature adult in Christ. You are mature, you can go teach these people, you can preach to the pastor these people, you can evangelize to these people, you can speak comforting words and exhortations to these people, yeah, and you can go to places that no man has been.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

I want to say something about reconciliation because I just what's been on my heart lately is a lot about um reconciling my brain, my my mind with what I'm feeling and even what it is transmitting through my body. And I keep thinking about how he's called us to wholeness. Okay. So in the in the from the lens or the perspective thinking about forgiveness, okay. My brain knows that that kid is just being a kid, but my emotions get stirred up because why why is he saying that to me? You know, that's hurtful. So then I have to my brain gets to speak truth in that instance to reconcile that emotion and bring it into oneness, like with my with alignment, thank you, in myself, so that I can move forward like in with the right attitude and in love. Yeah, and oftentimes we just let our brain take off and just think, why would he do that? Well, he's doing that because of XYZ, and then going down the well, it's because I did this before. And then you start to feel guilt, and then those emotions get stirred up and they take over. And often we don't just take the time to just stop and recognize, okay, this is a child. Right. A child is gonna say this. He's gonna try to get out of going to summer care because he wants to stay home and be on his iPad all day. So he's gonna say, My foot hurts. Mommy, if I sit down, I might throw up. And you just have to look at them and call it out and say, I know that you don't want to go to summer care. And then immediately they're like, Oh, you know, and then they just hop up and do what they're supposed to do because you called out what the offense was. Right. And I think sometimes we just have to arrest our own attention and just say, Okay, in order to reconcile this within myself, right? I get to speak truth over that.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

That's so good because you're operating in discernment there.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

And and you're seeing beyond what is actually being said.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

And I think like I'm thinking about it like this, and I don't know if I'm hopping like too many trains or whatever, but like I I keep we were talking about proverbs and reading about just weight, and I have my set of weights, and it's real heavy on the justice side or whatever, or it wants to be. So I think, well, this kid needs to not act like that, so I'm just gonna straighten him up. Yeah, you know, whereas if I if I if I operate under the law of love and I recognize, okay, he's gonna do this, so how can I respond by speaking truth in love, and that evens it out.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Yeah, or brings it into reconciliation.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Brings it into reconciliation, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Because that's what reconciliation is, is bringing it to a zero balance. Right. It's it's bringing it to where nothing is owed.

SPEAKER_03 19:55

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

It is it is all debts are forgiven, everything has been reconciled, it has been made been made right and whole. Yes. And together. And and the the way that that happens, you're talking about judgment. Yeah, right. We know that the Lord judgment of the Lord is mercy.

SPEAKER_04 20:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

You know, and and Jesus tells us to be merciful as our Father in heaven is merciful. Yeah. This is the this is the command, you know, that we are given. And and and to freely you have received freely give. He's talking about forgiveness.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

And the ministry that we're called to is reconciled.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

That's the ministry of reconciliation, a hundred percent. And that's and that's what Paul tells us that that this is the ministry that has been given to the body of Christ, is the ministry of reconciliation. We have been reconciled by Christ in his death, right? And and so the ministry that we are carrying now, like, and this is this is what's beautiful about this, is because it's like, hey, this is what we have been brought into because of what Christ did. And because we've been brought into it, it's now what we then carry. And so this is the good news of the gospel. He did this for you. I'm telling you, I'm communicating this news to you. This is what God did. He died and brought you into complete and whole reconciliation with him. There is no ought, there is no debt, there is no alienation, there is no separation. It is you are now one with him, united in Christ. You don't owe him anything, he owes you nothing. There is no debts there, right? It's been canceled out. You are one, you owe nothing to anyone but to love them, and you are loved so well by him, right? And this is the ministry then that now you carry with you. This is called the ministry of reconciliation that we go and we share with others, and we say, Hey, be reconciled. Right? This is what has happened, so therefore be reconciled. And I think what you said there, Miriam, was actually super great because you just described the process uh by which we get to live our lives, which is something happens to me. My mind says something, my emotions say something, and my spirit is saying something. Which am I going to listen to? Who is going to be the captain of my body right now? Like who is going to be the captain of my life right now and give the orders to get the rest of the ship in line?

SPEAKER_05 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:57

Right. And so oftentimes what Happens with people is that the captain of the ship is the chemical release process called emotion. And that that's all it is, is a chemical interaction that is happening inside of my body that then communicates to the rest of me this is how I'm supposed to act. This I'm angry, so therefore I'm gonna go be angry.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Yeah, all day.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

All day, right? And so in instead of allowing the captain of the spirit to say, okay, I know this hurt, bring this into alignment. This is what they did. Let's bring this into alignment with who we are in Christ and what he says, be merciful as my father is merciful. No, I'm merciful. This is who I am. Yes, right? Love keeps no record of wrongs. I'm not gonna keep a record, I'm not gonna keep track of all of the wrong things that you've done to me today. And that's hard when your brain is active and it and it remembers. 100%. And you're seeing things. And you're experiencing things. So many people are gonna live through the experiences of their life and let that be the thing, the voice that speaks the loudest in their life. My experience speaks the loudest to me instead of the voice of my father, instead of the voice of the word, instead of the voice of my lover Jesus. Right. I want his voice, the Spirit of God, to speak louder than any of my experiences. This is literally, literally walking out. We walk by faith, not by sight. That that's that is the literal example of what that looks like is that I'm hearing his voice and I'm hearing his words and I'm walking what he says out. I want to give you an actual example, and I don't think I've ever shared this uh on a like on podcasts. When I was a when I was a young boy, I was molested by my neighbor, and it happened multiple times, and um it was a situation where you know I found myself and it wasn't obviously it wasn't a good situation, but I never told my parents about it because I felt ashamed. I felt like I had done something wrong. And even though looking back on it now as an adult, I realized that wasn't the case, but as a kid, I felt that way. I was like, I have to keep this, you know, hidden and secret. Uh and and um and and with that, obviously, when shame comes, then it can bring on a whole lot of things in your life and then becomes the experience of your life. Now, here's that's the that's the negative, ugly part of it. Here's the beautiful part of it. God miraculously healed my heart. So I have zero residue from that today, living here today. And and I got a hold of this this word from the Lord about how he makes all things new, uh, and how I'm a new creation in him, and how all of the the hurts and the things that have happened to me, he heals these things. I just had the audacity to actually believe that.

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

And so I began to believe that. Now what watch what happens? I began to believe this thing that happened and all of the pain, all of the shame, all of the guilt, all of that stuff. It literally, it just melted away from me. I didn't go through any kind of therapy. Like, and and please hear me, I'm not knocking that at all. Like we do counseling all of the time, but I'm just telling you what happened in my life. I didn't have to go through anything. I I it literally, it was a work of God in my heart. The person that did it, I've completely forgiven them. Like I have zero ill will. And if I've if I saw them on the street today, I'd be like, like it would be as if nothing happened. Because it's it's it's it's like the scriptures, as far as the east is from the west, that's how far that transgression transgression has been removed from my life and and how how much my heart has been bent from anger, betrayal, hurt, disgust to love, life, hope, and and and desire for reconciliation in that space, which is the heart of Father. Right. So I I say that to say that we don't have to live from the experiences that we have experienced and allow those things to define and to shape our lives. Instead, what we get to do is we get to say, Father, what do you say about me?

unknown 26:01

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:01

What do you say about my life? Are you speaking and singing healing over me? I receive it. You know, are you speaking love and hope and joy over me? I receive it. You know, are you saying that I'm a new creation in you? I receive it. And begin to believe those things and watch how that will transform your lives. It will be the kind of thing that others will look and be like, that is inexplicable. I don't understand how that happens. You didn't do any work for it.

unknown 26:27

Boom.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Exactly. It's like our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Like Jesus knew that there was gonna be hurt between people. There was gonna be debts that people were gonna be like, they owe me, or I owe them, or you know, people are feeling this way towards each other, and he's just like, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors because you you truly have life, you truly have power, you truly have the kingdom and the glory forever. And he gave that to us, he glorified us, he said the the kingdom is in you, it is near you, it is with you, and and so we have all these things that Jesus gives to us from the aspect of hey, we have truly a father, yeah. We have father with us. Like I I remember being a young boy, and I remember looking at my parents and being like, man, if they're with me, I can do anything. I'm safe, like I'm truly safe with with my parents. Wherever I go, whatever I do, and if they tell me to forgive, I can forgive. They tell me that I need to apologize, even though I don't want to wanna apologize to my brother for uh you know fighting with him over a cookie or or whatever, you know, like I can truly do these things because father, my parents are with me, and I know that no matter the mountain, no matter the hurt, that these two things will be cast into the sea of for forgetfulness, never to be remembered no more. Like not not that I can't talk about these, but this is not the same as it was like when Peter cuts off an ear. No matter if Jesus creates a new ear or takes the ear off the ground, it was as nothing had happened, right? He restored it.

SPEAKER_02 28:57

Yeah, and that's what he does. He he he that that is the power with which he operates. And that's the beautiful thing of it. Like forgiveness is not denying or ignoring that something happened. Jesus did not deny or ignore that Peter cut off that guy's ear. Right? He didn't turn a blind eye to it, he didn't pretend, oh, it's fine, nothing, nothing's wrong. He actually went to it and he operated from a power greater than the retaliatory actions of Peter. And and I and that to me, that is a model and an example for each of us. That forgiveness is not denying what has happened, right? Right? It's not ignoring what has happened, it's saying I choose to live from a power that is actually more powerful and higher than than a retaliatory action, than harboring ill will in my heart, then, than allowing bitterness to take root in my soul. I I choose to forgive. I'm choosing to to live here when I have the rights to live down here. Right. Right. And and it's it's Jesus saying, You've heard it eye for an eye. You've heard it said tooth for a tooth. But I tell you, right, right? He's saying, I I want to, I want to introduce you to a different way of living. And and I also want to be clear here, too, that forgiveness does not automatically mean reconciliation.

SPEAKER_05 30:26

Right.

SPEAKER_02 30:27

You know, we're talking about this is the ministry that we carry, but here's the thing about reconciliation: reconciliation takes two parts, two, two parties. You know, one one person, one side can be fully willing to reconcile and be ready, and the other side cannot be. This is why this is the gospel that we carry, the news that we carry. We are reconciled to God from God's perspective, but we don't necessarily live reconciled until we receive it and we say, Yes, I want to live reconciled to you. Like from his perspective, we're good. From God, this is the gospel. From God's perspective, we're good with him. He's good with us. Yeah. But from our perspective, until we accept that through Christ, we will continue to live contrary to that reconciliation, as if we are alienated in our minds from God and enemies and hostile to him, he to us. Like if my perspective of him is like he's just sitting up there with lightning bulbs ready to strike me down at any moment, that seems very antagonistic, right? And and hostile, but that's not how he's seated.

SPEAKER_03 31:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

Right? He's seated on a throne of grace in love towards his children, and he's saying, Come to me, be in me. This is how I've created you to be, be reconciled.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

And it has to start there.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

It does.

SPEAKER_03 31:41

Before we can forgive anybody, before we can release any of it, we have to receive forgiveness.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

Right. Otherwise, it's just humanistic effort to try to do something that you don't have the capacity within yourself, by yourself, to do. It's only through Christ.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

And it's only going to be surface, it's never going to truly transform the situation. You're going to constantly be remembering and being doing all of that when you try to do it in yourself. So how can we receive forgiveness, Pastor?

SPEAKER_02 32:10

How do you receive forgiveness?

SPEAKER_03 32:11

How do how do we how do we because you said earlier about just believe? And I I know what how I would answer this, but I just believe.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

Um my favorite way or illustration or way of thinking about it is this. When someone is giving you a gift, right? They've got something that they've they've given, they're they're wanting to give to you. You can either receive it or not receive it, right? I would say offer no resistance to it.

unknown 32:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Say, okay.

SPEAKER_04 32:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:36

Like just be like, yeah, yes, I I'll take it. Thank you. And and and here's the thing about receiving a gift. A lot of times people get gifts, and it makes them feel very awkward because they feel as if I've I haven't done anything for this. Why did you do this for me?

SPEAKER_03 32:51

Right. I don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

So there's this innate, listen, listen to this. There is this innate human thing that's inside of us that is so deeply steeped in justice.

SPEAKER_03 33:01

I'm telling you.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

That that is that is cause for the mentality of I didn't work for this, I didn't earn it, I don't deserve it. And and and so when someone is trying to be loving, kind, and good toward you, you have a hard time receiving that because of this ingrained religious works mentality that is actually so here. I'm gonna tell you exactly what it actually is at the root of it. It's actually self-centeredness. Yeah, it's actually pride. That's all that it is. And so what would happen if you lay down down that self? You would lay down that part and say, I didn't earn it, I had nothing to do with it, I did not deserve it, yet I choose to receive it willingly and wholeheartedly. Like this is the gospel. Yeah, you did zero work for it, Christ did it all. Yeah, you did zero deserving of it, Christ chose you anyway. And and and religion and selfishness and pride, because religion is just based in selfishness and pride, selfishness and pride is going to say, I can't receive that, I can't believe that because I didn't have anything to do with that.

SPEAKER_03 34:22

And that's the same place where offense lives. I don't deserve to be treated this way, and so if you're constantly thinking about that, it's just rooted in that pride.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Yes. So the so so the key here is this. Okay, we understand that you don't deserve it. We can all probably agree to that. Sure. But let's come to that understanding. But what if you have something that is so good it doesn't care that you don't deserve it? It cares more about you.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:51

And it's saying, I want to give this to you in spite of you not deserving it. I want to give this to you in spite of you not being able to reciprocate. I want to give this to you because this is the grace and the goodness of God. This is why it leads men to repentance and changing their minds and changing the way that they live, because it's God saying, I know I created you. I know every little thought that you have, I know every in and out of your mind, I know every little bit in detail that you think is hidden and dark and is self-centered. I know all of those things, and I still choose to give myself to you. Receive me. Receive me. Like you see, the the thing, the thing about that, that in church, oftentimes people are like, you know, God, I give you my life, but really the reality of it is, God, I receive your life. I'm receiving him. I receive his life wholeheartedly and completely. And that is what ends up changing me. Like that, that's the I offer no resistance to it.

SPEAKER_04 35:51

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

I I take the mindset that I've got to do something and I say, you know what? I'm just gonna lay that thing down. I'm gonna say, whatever you got for me, I want it. I'll take it. I know that I don't deserve it, and and and I see in my heart and in my life, like this is just this is this is too good to be true. It's too good to be true. Yeah, and it's yours. This is how this is how good your father is. He's not up there with lightning bolts, he's up there with gifts, right? Perfect ones, yeah. Saying, here, I want to give this to you. And it's like, and that's who what image we're made in.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

And if I can receive what I don't reserve deserve, I can release what I don't deserve.

SPEAKER_02 36:30

Freely you've received, freely you give. Yep, and it's easy. It's so much easier. Right, because it's not about you, exactly. It's about him. We're living in his story. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

I got a story by the way. So there was this one time where my back was really hurting. So I get prayed for by these two people, and the next thing I know, five seconds later, I'm running with no pain. I can actually walk, I can bend down, touch my toes, and all this other stuff. I go to the restaurant, and I'm I'm in a little bit of pain when I begin to talk about something. I go home and I wake up. The pain's a lot better, but I can't touch my toes and I can't run like I pre previously had. And um, there was this tent meeting in a certain uh place like Bloomington, and um, there was this minister who was coming, and uh I was invited, but I didn't want to go because there was this one man who had lied on me, and he was what what it was, it was a power play for ministry, you know, and so I didn't want to go, and I realized that hey, if I'm not wanting to go to this because of this, that means I have offense and that I really need to release this, and so I went anyways, because I'm just like, I got to go. I don't care if this guy has lied on me and he has spoken ill of me because none of that is true, and I need to release this. So I went and I told I told him, I said, Hey, I forgive you. I didn't say anything else, and he's just like, forgive me. I didn't do anything. I'm just like, I forgive you. And then I walked back to my seat, and the minister got up and he started preaching about forgiveness. And immediately right after I told him I forgave him, I did not have that same type of pain in my back, and I could actually touch my toes again. And so, like, forgiveness really does take a toll on your body one way or another, like you can forgive, like there's things that your body holds, and there's stress that that your soul holds that comes in into your body. I'm not saying that's always the case, right? I'm just saying that is a real thing. And when I was willing to release that, then it was gone, even if he didn't receive it and was reconciled. And this is not speaking ill of a a minister or anything like that. Um, but it's just like forgiveness is a real thing. And the minister stood up and he said, If somebody came to you and said that they forgave you, wouldn't you want to ask? And it's just like, oh man, and it's just like, and he was the minister that um he invited the the guy, and I'm just like okay, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

I I love it. I wanna, I wanna, as we're kind of wrapping up here, I want to give our listeners some um just something to maybe to remember. Sure. Uh do you guys remember the three Rs from uh that we would hear like as kids reduce, reuse, recycle? Do you remember that? Right? Okay, so so I have three R's that I like to live by uh for uh forgiveness, okay, which is uh number one, receive. Yeah, so receive the love of God. We talked about that. We have to receive his love because forgiveness flows out of us and it starts from receiving him, right? So the the the first thing is to receive the love from him and the forgiveness and the mercy and the grace from our God. So it's receive, and then number two is refuse. I refuse to live in the past, and I also afford others the same opportunity. I refuse to live from past experiences and from the things that have happened to me. So we have real receive, we have refuse, and then finally is release. I'm going to release them and forgive them from any sins that they may have committed against me, from anything that may have been done to harm me. I'm not going to keep record of it. So I'm going to r our three R's are receive, refuse, release. Receive the love of God, refuse to live in the past, and release anyone and everyone from the sins and the offenses that may they may have tried to cause and harm against you.

SPEAKER_01 41:10

Receive, refuse, release. Reduce, reuse, recycle, recycle. You guys have anything else you'd like to share?

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Let's pray for people to have that release of forgiveness. Father, Lord, I thank you for this release of forgiveness and for the comfort to bind up everything in their hearts and their bodies. God, and we re-re we release that to you, Father. By your stripes we were healed. And we just dwell upon your face and upon your work, and not no other man's work, not our own, and not anyone who has tried to offend or brought offense. But we dwell upon your redemption and your reconciliation. And we thank you for this. And we receive this into our bodies, souls, minds, and spirits in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 42:16

Amen. Amen. I'm gonna leave with one little last tidbit before we go. Because I think this is actually like super key, and this really helped me. And while you were praying, this is what I was reminded of. When you receive the love and forgiveness of God, you don't have to receive an apology from someone else in order to release them. That's right. You can choose to release them without an apology at all. Without them coming to you asking for forgiveness, any of that. Because of what God has done in your life and you receiving his love, you actually then can release his love and his forgiveness towards them without them saying, I'm sorry.

unknown 42:55

Right.

SPEAKER_02 42:56

And when you do, you'll be free. Thank you for joining us on the Everyday Kingdom podcast. We will see you later.